If you're wondering what on earth a picture of Beyonce has to do with this post then it's because I think she's an inspiration, despite the fact she could easily have lived off her husband or family's money or have stopped working after Destiny's Child broke up she carried on and has made it on her own. She makes her own money and chooses what she does with just about everything from her hair to her career.
That's exactly what I want to be and even though I'm far away from true independence I'm certainly much closer than I was this time last year.
This time last year I didn't look up from the ground wherever I walked, wouldn't ask for help in shops and I don't think I said more than hello and goodbye to my driving instructor other than whispering answers to her questions during lessons. I was so angry at myself that I still relied on other people to do such simple things like ring the Doctor and book an appointment for me simply because I was scared. I decided to force myself to change and despite the fact I'm still living at home I feel like I've taken huge steps forward.
I'll admit that one of the main reasons I chose to stay at home during University was because I was beyond terrified of moving to a new city amongst people I've never met before all whilst starting University. Now however, I still take part in nights out, come and go when I please and have made some lovely friends. The only reason I'm considering staying at home for the next few years is the fact it's close to both University and work and has meant I've got hardly any money worries.
It started off small for me, I'd have to have my boyfriend or a family member with me when I went into a shop and stand there as I spoke to people just so I felt a little safer. It was getting to the point where whatever doctors appointment I had my boyfriend would have to come with me and sit in the chair just because I needed him. He even took time out of his school work to come with me.
The first push that really made me want to change was when I had the number for my driving instructor right in front of me but I still wanted my mum to ring them for me. She flat out said no, I'm being cruel to be kind you need to do this yourself and I went upstairs and made myself ring her. I was so proud of myself when I hung up the phone but knew I still had a hell of a long way to go. Another thing I think really helped me was starting work. This was only a few months a go but the fact I have no choice but to talk to customers and be friendly and helpful. The more I had to do it the more naturally it came to me. I actually found out that not everyone in the world is a big scary person that was going to judge or mock me. People are usually kind and friendly. That's what I'd say to anyone who is worried about things the same way I was. People are usually going to be kind and talk to you if you need to, if they are rude to you or make you feel scared then that's their problem, not yours.
Like I said I still have a long way to go. For me I think the ultimate independence would be being able to drive home from work in my own car, to my own home and be secure with a job and confident in what I do. I'm not going to focus too much on what I want to do though because it's important to focus on what you've achieved and feel proud of myself for how far I've come. I know it sounds insane to someone who doesn't have confidence issues but I still feel proud of myself whenever I suggest a get together or ring someone to book an appointment.
If you're suffering from real shyness then one of the main suggestions I would make to you is take it slow, but at the same time you need to push yourself or have someone push you or else you'll be stuck that way forever. I hated the way I was and I'd say I feel much happier in myself as a person now, and so will you be. Also make sure you're proud of yourself for what you do achieve it'll give you a little buzz that you need to move forward to the next step.
xxx
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